• Deb Marlor

Change Your Tack-Release Complaining


Every day, I read it. Someone I know who elevates the process of complaining to a high art. Sometimes funny, sometimes exhausting, these people have the ability to find a problem just about anywhere. Complaining is simply the ability to see what's not working, in one's own life or in the external world, and it can be quite useful if followed to its natural conclusion -- finding a solution and applying it. However, many of us don't get that far, and we find that complaining has become an end in itself. In small doses, this is not a big problem, but if complaining has become a huge part of who we are perhaps it may be time to make a major calibration at how we are spend our energy.


Complaining is a person's way of acknowledging that they are not happy with the way things are. In a metaphorical way, when we complain or criticize, we are tearing down an undesirable structure in order to make room for something new. But if all we do is tear down, never finding the creative energy required to create something new, we are not fulfilling the process. In fact, we are at risk for becoming a stagnant and destructive force in our own lives and in the lives of the people we love. Transforming complaining into something useful is a two-step process that begins with turning to our critical self to look at things we can change, then taking positive action.


When we find our thoughts complaining, we know we are being constrictive. STOP, acknowledge, and re-frame that thought. Remember your commitment to making some changes. Then change your thought! It really is that simple.


Written by: Deb Marlor



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